In our last blog post we talked about natural recovery or “ageing out” of addiction without treatment. We love your replies and thought two of them in particular were so touching and could be helpful to other families in the thick of substance use disorder. Both are shared with permission.
From Jennifer, a mom walking with a 24-year-old son through five years of substance use disorder and multiple overdoses:
“Our story is short in the addiction world considering that from first awakening to our son’s struggles till now has only been 5 years but we have been through some very dark times including almost losing him on his second overdose that happened a mere two weeks out of his second trip to treatment.
This overdose resulted in a month and half in the hospital and months more of physical, occupational and speech therapy so he could learn how to walk, talk and do everything all over. I wish I could say that was it for him but it wasn’t.
I had heard of [natural recovery] when trying to educate myself…our slogan that we latched onto [from the family support group BALM] during the toughest of times was, “keep him alive to 25.” We are one year away and definitely living with much less fear.
He is still a daily cannabis user at age 24 but he buys only from a dispensary and limits when we ask him to due to family events, etc. This last year and half of “California sober” began without a trip to treatment or weekly meetings but just with his own choices to be healthier and stay alive.
I am waiting for more maturity on his part to want a substance free life but for now he has stopped using any hard drugs and nicotine…We have learned to accept that abstinence for him may be a long process, if ever, and we patiently support all work towards creating other tools of dealing with the emotional regulation in his daily life.
Thank you for all you are doing to educate our communities. We felt very alone during our journey and I try to be open and honest about our family’s journey with anyone that cares or finds themselves in the journey too.” – Jennifer M.
And from Ashley, a woman whose brother struggled with addiction for many years, starting when they were growing up:
“I definitely lived in the shadow of my brother’s addictions at times. He struggled with dyslexia, ADHD, bipolar…and addiction, first getting into drugs his freshman year of high school.
Having a family member with addiction becomes the center focus of the family, and everything rides on that. Just like a terminal illness, the rest of the family lives in the anxiety of pending upheaval. Will it be a police call or a friend who lets us know he’s in jail again, got in another fight, is in the hospital, or is dead?
[The reality of natural recovery] is a really good insight we tend to gloss over, but it IS possible! My brother struggled with addiction for years, and honestly still lives in many addictive behaviors.
Yet he shifted from the things that were harming him to things that help to regulate his bipolar and ADHD moods, and has the purpose and drive to show up for his kids.
We spent many, many years navigating what my parents could afford for any form of outpatient therapies, yet it was his decision to “clean up” for a girl that finally stuck. He put down alcohol and never picked it up again, after binge drinking and hitting rock bottom so many times I didn’t realize the ditch would go that deep!
I think a deeper part of “growing out” of it is maturing enough to find purpose and step into personal responsibility. I know of many people who never “cure” their addiction; they simply redirect it into things that aren’t as damaging, like their health and relationships, versus self-sabotaging with drugs.
[My brother] keeps himself regulated with marijuana and mushrooms…he is making his way, finding purpose in activism and humanitarian efforts, and is teachable. He continues to learn and grow, and I’m grateful for the positive relationship I have with him and his children.
I love what you do at End It For Good.” – Ashley
Both of these men went through numerous treatment programs, but neither of them was successful at improving their health until they found internal motivation to make different choices.
Both of them are much healthier and stable, with much better relationships, but neither is abstinent. These are really important tensions for us to wrestle with, because it forces us to consider the question “What is the goal of abstinence?” It’s not an end in itself. If we think a bit we believe most of us would agree that the reason we as a society have pushed so hard for people to be abstinent is because we want them to be alive, healthy, present for their relationships and able to function and contribute in the world.
Ashley’s brother has now spent years living in poverty-stricken communities across the world, serving in humanitarian efforts. He’s alive, healthy, present in his relationships, contributing in the world, and still using marijuana and mushrooms. Can we keep our eyes on the goal, and take our control a bit off the pathway he’s using to get there?
If someone is experiencing less harm in their life, that’s a win. If the people around them are experiencing less harm, that’s a win. We hope that through these stories we can wrestle with the possibility that we often lose sight of the destination by focusing so much on the path someone takes to get there, and we might get far more people to the destination if we let people take a variety of paths instead of just one.